Adventures in China

I've experienced three kinds of going out to eat with Chinese people. There is going out with friends, there is going to eat at a friend's home, and there is going to a banquet.

Going out with friends
Going out with friends in China is a lot like going out with friends in America, though it will usually take a longer. Dishes are ordered and shared communally and no one rushes. You spend at least an hour at the table and everyone will eat until they are ready to explode. Sometimes the bill is split between everyone and sometimes an individual will pick up the tab. There are rarely any formal procedures you need to worry about when going out with friends.

Going to a friend's home
While you may eat a lot when you go out to eat with friends, you will positively be stuffed if you go to eat at their home. It is considered a high honor to have foreign guests in your home. Some families will cook for days to prepare for a foreigner's visit. If you are honored enough to be invited to their home many times, they may relax a little and treat you as part of the family, but that is not necessarily true.

For at least the first visit, other relatives, and sometimes neighbors, will be there to help cook. The guests and most important family members will sit in one room while everyone else cooks. Some time is spent talking or watching TV. There is also tea and fruit to eat. It is absolutely impossible to help in the kitchen though I managed to enter the kitchen once under the pretense of learning how to cook. I was only allowed to watch.

Waiting for the meal to start may take as much as two hours. It is very important to not fill up on fruit while waiting for the meal. The three skills necessary for surviving a family meal are taking small bites, chewing for a long time, and learning to protest loudly when you are full. If, while you are waiting, you do not have food in your hands, someone will come and place more food in them. It is best to nibble at the fruit slowly over time and sip at your tea.

The meal starts when almost all the dishes are done cooking. Everyone has their own bowl of rice and then uses their chopsticks to take from the communal dishes. The meal may start with a toast or the guests are expected to take the first bite. If you do not take the first bite, your hosts will help you by putting some of the best pieces of the meal into your bowl, first. You will be expected to at least try everything. If someone does not think you are eating fast enough, they will help you by putting more food in your bowl and telling you to eat. You will be told to eat more, eat more, eat more. Sure, it sounds easy to resist, but are you really still going to refuse to eat after the 83 year old grandmother tells you "We're not poor, eat!"

Younger hosts do not seem to pressure guests to eat as much as older hosts. Younger people account for this by saying that their parents and grandparents went through the "hungry years." Which refers to a 3 year period of famine in China, centered around 1960. The famine was a result of declining agricultural output, locusts, and the withdrawal of Soviet aid.

Most meals in my area ended with soup. The soup will not appear until you have protested you are full for a long time. Of course, compliments to the chefs are always appreciated.

Formal Banquets
There is no such thing as a small formal meal. If you are taken out to dinner for business of any type, it will be for a banquet. In fact, most business in China is done around a banquet table. The smallest group for a banquet is around 8 people. A banquet is almost always in a restaurant, though it may be in a private room. This time, the food is more about presentation than eating and the hosts will be more concerned about you drinking enough than you eating enough.

There may be some mingling before the banquet, but it usually starts close to the appointed time. A very important part of a banquet is figuring out where to sit. The most important seat is directly across from the door. There may be a long negotiation period about seating arrangements before everyone sits down. It is best to stand patiently and wait until you are told where to sit.

Cold dishes come to the table first, but it is not yet time to eat. You may actually sit at the table, with food, and talk for a few minutes before eating. The signal to eat is a toast by the host. Sometimes it is only one toast, but other times it is three toasts. Generally, it is a good idea to wait until someone tells you it is time to eat.

The first good portion of the meal is spent with everyone toasting everyone else. There are toasts of thanks, toasts of praise, and toasts for good fortune. Both the main hosts and the guests of honor are expected to toast everyone else. You do not need to drain you glass for every toast, but you should for important people like the host. The most common liquor is bi jiu, a strong 48% alcohol rice liquor that is served in about 1/3 of an ounce cups. It is an acquired taste, at best. If you are female or claim to have a medical excuse, you may be able to drink beer or soft drinks. Wine is also available, but Chinese wines are very sweet and resemble alcoholic kool-aid.

Once all the toasting is done (and by now, the warm main course dishes have started to arrive), the drinking games usually start. Remember, the main goal of a banquet is drinking, not eating. Most people at banquets are men and almost all of them drink until they are drunk. It is generally expected that anyone drinking at a banquet will drink a lot, so you must be very persistent if you want to stop "early." It is also important to avoid insulting the host since not drinking is considered a sign that you are not comfortable with the host.

The most popular drinking game in my area is 'tiger, tiger' a variation on rock/paper/scissors with tiger/stick/worm/chicken. The second most popular is a number game where you shout a number and show a different number with your hand. The person who shouts the number that the other person shows is the winner.

In the middle of the main courses, the drinking slows down and the talking or business starts up. There will be a lot of food and it will be very good, but it is up to you how much you want to eat. In Luoyang, you know the meal is coming to an end when a large whole fish appears (the person with the head pointed at them gets to drink three shots of liquor and eat the fish head while the person with the tail only gets to drink two). The last course is almost always soup. When the soup is done, the meal is done. There is very little lingering after a banquet, you just get up and go.