Synthesis and Output

This blog has moved

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 03:48:00 +0000

This blog is now located at http://blogger.projectjanel.org/.
You will be automatically redirected in 30 seconds, or you may click here.

For feed subscribers, please update your feed subscriptions to
http://blogger.projectjanel.org/feeds/posts/default.

Drowning in the right thing

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 14:53:00 +0000

I finally signed up for Evidence Updates, just like a person who wants to be a good doctor. It is a service which screens a large body of literature for articles which are both methodologically sound and could influence clinical practice. One can then enter their clinical interests and how many they want to receive (based on the rankings of importance). I have too many interests - I'm getting 4-6 articles a day. Am I really going to read that many? In what universe?

I guess I should stick with the Daily POEM service, which often had topics I cared nothing about and could just delete!

kitschy FTW

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 14:45:00 +0000

I have spent a whole lot of the hours of my life making giftmas stockings for the boys. I finally finished Huxley's. While not appealing to my usual asthetic, I am sentimentally attached to this sort of thing as they are obviously designed by the exact same person who designed the ones my mom made for my brother and I. I'm glad I did them. I'm more glad that they're done. I'm also glad that the boys really seem to like exploring the details of them.

the project of 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 03:09:00 +0000

Hey, look, I went to a conference and made a hat. I also made some fingerless mitts, but I have no pictures. You can imagine them - same cabling around the wrist, straight knit to the base of the fingers. The cabling was probably the most complicated I have ever done and was very satisfying.

I was even so nice as to knit a lining for the hat as it was way too thin to do any good without one. And I overestimated how much yarn it would take, per usual, only using 60% of what I bought. The yarn is pretty great - it comes from a sheep-llama-rabbit chimera - and I should really figure out what to do with the rest of it.

Equivalent to dead?

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 03:29:00 +0000

If a girl can't find time to write on a 59 day break from clinical responsibilities, the internal pressure to write must not be very high. So it goes.

I had a very productive two months - I did all my interviews, complete with traveling with small children. Complete with one trip with Trouble and without small children - our first overnight without children since they appeared! It was excellent. Yea, grandparents!

I got about half of the class I'm teaching this spring put together. Excellent.

I got two manuscripts into review. Another manuscript is half written and awaiting some help from the statistician (not my fault that it didn't get farther!).

I've read up for the Very Expensive test I "get" to take in two weeks. I'm not so worried about failing and I wouldn't have done any studying except having to pay $1500 to take it again would about kill me.

And, most importantly, I spent a lot of time with the boys. I reached that point in parenting where I was able to just sit still and do repetitive tasks to amuse them and actually enjoy it. On the plane flight back from the grandparents', Huxley wanted to shut the shade of the window, have me act appalled, open it, and tickle his tummy. About 50 times in a row. I could do it easily . . . while I'm kind of excited to get back to a routine, I bet my ability to just be present with my kids will evaporate in about one day. Not so good.

Not preferred

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:25:00 +0000

Huxley got a bit of a stomach bug yesterday. He was watching "movies" on Netflix (he has given up his nap, but he and Turing have some quiet TV time in the afternoon) and basically passed out. Then he woke up and was cranky. But the nice kind where he just wants to sit on someone and read some books.

And, fortunately, I have become a slightly more acceptable alternative for such activities. Huxley went through a very strong Trouble-preference phase in the last few months. It was the longest that this has happened to Trouble instead of me. It didn't really bother me (actually, I was a little relieved it wasn't me), and I felt a little sorry for Trouble never getting a break - it is impossible to hide away in a room by yourself when you're the preferred parent.

The children continue to sprout new neural circuits at a rapid rate. Huxley is all language and ideas and opinions and still mostly keeping up with his brother on the physical end. Turing is entirely potty independent - we were at the coffee shop about a month ago when he insisted on going into the restroom alone, managed to use the toilet, flush it, wash his hands (with soap), dry them off, and come out all by himself.

Next step, college.

I have no more babies.

Catch up!

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:24:00 +0000

I went to a conference earlier in the week where I was very popular with the journal editors and couldn't figure out why . . . and then my adviser told me I had the most highly cited article last year. Ah, that is why! It made me feel a little bit like a rock star which was a nice change from the usual medical school grind. And I just loved being at the conference with all these research people who think like I do and get excited about the same sort of things that I do . . . it was a nice reminder about why I'm doing all this.

Of course, I also get reminded about how priveledged I am to be involved in clnical medicine all the time, too. But I am tired of checking off various requirements boxes and would really like to move more towards the things I am interested in.

I'm also excited to have a few months "off" of work. Well, it isn't so much off work as it is getting to work on a lot of my own projects on my own pace without the stupid checkboxes. In this two month break I have only listed the following things for me to do:

1. interview for residency programs

2. get my last 2 dissertation papers out the door

3. write up a new paper

4. review infectious disease (my worst internal medicine subject)

5. learn R

6. prepare the class I'm teaching this spring.

And all those other little things like see my family and have some fun. But I'm actually not that worried about having fun around all this work; when I get control of my time I am suddenly much more productive. I'm going to do all that *and* be a better mom.

OK, maybe just do some of that and be a better mom. And maybe a slightly better blogger. No promises.

"vacation"

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 23:03:00 +0000

I had 15 days off of work. I had 12 days of full-time childcare when Trouble went to go visit family. Trouble needed to get away, so that was all cool. And I got to bond with my children. A lot.

It turns out that full time childcare is easier than my regular schedule of full time work and then childcare crammed around the edges. I am feeling mentally rested enough to feel like I want to tackle a whole lot of projects in the evenings of this upcoming rotation . . . which is crazy and impossible, really. Once I get started, I will be too tired to do any of these other things. It would be nice if my brain knew that, too.

It also helped that I had lots of adult back-up. I saw all sorts of in-town people I don't see enough of, we went to go visit some friends for the weekends, then two sets of out-of-town friends came through. It was fabulous to see everyone. Fabulous to have excuses to cook real meals for other adults. Fabulous to have adult help and people to talk to all night. Fabulous to get a few hours alone with the kids, too, during all of that; it felt like a treat to have some down time at home alone instead of having at home alone time feel like it is dragging on and on and I am pining to be around other adults.

I spent so much time away from my computer that I barely checked my email. And that was OK. I have spent enough time away from news that I don't have a bad visceral reaction to every news item I see. And that is OK. And I have some new music. And that is awesome. And I went shopping for my interview/work cloths today. And it makes me happy to have cloths I like. I'm turning into a girl?

And I am excited to return to work tomorrow, though I'm a bit concerned I will spend most of my time trying to stay organized instead of trying to learn what I want to learn. I am ready for the next thing, except that the next thing does not involve 15 day vacations, 12 of which are spent with my kids.

Older

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 01:43:00 +0000

I unearthed the pre-hacked version of this journal off of one of Trouble's harddrives the other day. Wow, I posted quite a lot . . . it was quite nice to go back and get to read little random things here and there that I had entirely forgotten. I'm not sure I'm up for having that sort of pace again, but I'm almost inspired enough to try.

Today is Trouble's birthday. Turing did a fabulous job of keeping his present to Trouble a surprise until the actual unwrapping when he said, "Smell it, daddy! It smells like M&M's!"

OMG a project

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 01:33:00 +0000

J&K's wedding present. And, damn did I predict that one good.

Updated boy blogs

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 03:14:00 +0000

Those boys did something with their blogs and this is why you have not seen any updates. I am kicking them. But update your links!

http://huxley.zelsnack.org/
http://turing.zelsnack.org/

informed.

test post

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 18:59:00 +0000

migrating servers and email and everything.

but it is a new era of consolidation of internet personas! very exciting!

Vacation!

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:59:00 +0000

Hey look, enough time to write more than 2 sentences.

Let's review the last few months: medical school is a lot of work. Now we're all caught up.

One more level of resolution: I've decided to go into internal medicine. Trouble and I are hashing out our list of acceptable places to apply for residency. Next year should be far more manageable except I can't handle more manageable and will be teaching a course in the spring. I'm writing a personal statement, which is the sort of exercise that I hate. The only exercise I've been getting is biking to work and it is substantially more than no exercise - Madison does have a lot going for it. The children continue to be awesome and continue to grow up too fast. We had a party where the invite was "The B and J didn't get divorced during the third year of medical school celebration," and all the married grad students who couldn't make it sent a note saying the sentiment was exactly right for them, as well. Now we are really all caught up.

Vacation is going too fast and has not involved much staring at the wall. I've been having an awesome time with the boys - day trips and just walking around the block and just reading books and just nothing-ing. Somehow, I have managed to both to not enough work (I have not even opened the files for my manuscripts) and too much work (not enough staring at the wall). There is always more to do. Now, my work priority is getting a clue before starting Cardiology.

In May, Trouble had taken the kids to the grandparents for nearly two weeks. It was the first time I had been without a child around in 3 years. And the first time I was home without a child in almost 4 years. (Where "alone" means "during my Surgery rotation - 5:30 AM to 6:00PM 5 days a week plus some weekend work" - but it is still nice to walk into the house exactly as I left it.) It was an important recalibration time for me and there are many parts of my prior life I am rediscovering now that I am hormonally back to my prior life self. Like music - I have had the radio off since I got pregnant with Turing and I am now devouring everything I can find through Pandora. Like sewing. Like reading. Like considering having Vegan Month some month when I am off service. See, totally old school me.

6:30 bedtime?

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:24:00 +0000

The babies have been sick. Very sick. Influenza sick for a week. All they want to do is sit on you sick. Poor babies.

I had been doing fairly well with my work schedule. I felt like I had hit my groove with work, I work hard, I come home and see the babies when I can. I've shaved off every second I can to see them and that is just the way it is. And when it is vacation, I take them away for 3 weeks. So it goes.

But these days, they just want someone to sit on and read books. And I get home and we do that for a little bit and then they go to bed early. So I essentially do not see them very much. And it is exceptionally little for the time when they just want to sit on the couch together and read books. And have a backrub.

I'm on Peds, though, so I'm seeing lots of other people's sick kids. They're (almost always) cute and I am always sympathetic. That's nice. What is not so nice is the total lack of evidence for a lot of what they do. Research opportunities abound (good) but dissemination may require a lot of regime change (sounds like actual work). I am weighing my options.

Losing The Fear

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 17:01:00 +0000

I'm sitting here and I should be cramming for the (multiple choice) exam I have in two hours. But I am not, I guess I just don't have The Fear I used to . . . it isn't like I haven't been studying. I've read the entire book for the rotation twice through over the last six weeks. I'm reviewing some stuff that didn't stick today. But I'm pretty calm.

I do believe in maximizing my efficiency and I recognize that I tend to get more done in any one category of stuff when I don't do it all the time. Efficiency maximization is a skill I have learned both over graduate school and over parenting. It means getting enough sleep, eating regularly, getting some exercise, and minimizing my guilt about time spent with my family. It means being focused when I work in both short and long term goals. It means using my time and stopping if I am going through the motions without gain.

I keep getting shocked by how other students use their time, as if the goal is to put the most time in and not to learn the most or provide the best patient care. There was the guy who got so little sleep that he fell asleep while talking to a patient. There was the guy who would study standing up so he wouldn't fall asleep. I think that is the sign you should close the book, sleep, and study the next day.

These last two weeks have been pretty relaxed - there weren't a lot of surgeries and I generally got out of the hospital pretty early. One of the residents seemed annoyed that I would take some of my "time off" to go to the gym. He wanted us to just stick around and put in face time. Which is really rather insulting. We certainly didn't get this far by slacking off all the time. I think I know how to manage my time effectively if I got my PhD done in 4 years while making two babies. Grrrr.

But even with all that, I should probably actually be studying right now. This really is my last chance to pound in the table of etiologies of primary amenorrhea.

A semi-triumphant return

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 21:42:00 +0000

The first two weeks of medical school have gone well in a good-attitude sort of way. I was on gynecological oncology, which was obviously not for me. It is like high stakes gambling all the time with life and death and morbidity . . . very interesting in a decision analysis sort of way, not so interesting in the day-to-day.

I was in the OR last week for a very involved surgery (removing some very large cancer masses, resectioning some bowel, removing some other organs) and spending a lot of my mental effort figuring out how to stand in one place for five hours without having my knees and back ache. The attending turned to me and said, "You're not going to be a surgeon. If you were, you'd be like 'OMG this is the most amazing thing ever!' Don't get me wrong, you're happy to be here and involved, but this is obviously not your calling." Spot on, dude.

But it was interesting to be in there for a few weeks and see all the crazy things we can do to people. Humans are amazing. And I really focused on learning the sorts of things that I will need to know later. For instance, I got to feel lots of abdominal masses. This was useful because when I didn't know what I was feeling for, it is hard to say I didn't feel it. I can now say with confidence when I don't feel masses. Go me.

I have experienced my least favorite thing so far in medical school: walking to the bus at 5 in the morning with icy sidewalks. The worst. Also, having the bus show up 24 minutes late on the day it was -12 was not OK. Not that I was counting. Good thing I own snow pants.

And I am not very excited about the hours I've been putting in. I haven't been feeling too bad about not being home, since I seem to have mental clicked over to, "medical school requires a lot of time, all my free time is spent with my kids, when I can get vacation, I'll take it" which is going to be the way things are for the next 4.5 years. But it still sucks to not be home very much. Those boys are growing up too fast. Huxley is poking pineapple with forks and Turing is singing songs and adding on his fingers. Jerks.

Don't do it if you don't like it

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 20:01:00 +0000

Let us all remember, blogging is not a chore.

OB/Gyn starts on Monday. This is exciting because I don't think I can legitimately call myself a doctor until I've caught more babies than my computer programmer partner. And after four whole weeks of vacation, I feel mentally rested enough to take on medical school for a while again. Though I'm not sure I'm rested enough to go straight through until June 15, which is the current plan. Or maybe I am just that tough. Also, after spending nearly three weeks constantly with my kids, I should avoid my too-much-work-too-little-family guilt for at least two weeks into this next round of rotations.

Our vacation was lovely. The train worked magically except for the part where we had to wake the kids up in the middle of the night to catch the train. In all, there were no melt-downs while in transit and very few overall. We did a bunch of fun stuff (see their blogs) and enjoyed the weather and just hung out. It was like an actual vacation. And I managed to exactly offset all the Xmas cookies I ate with running.

As Turing becomes more cognizant, we really have got to figure out our holiday plan. We opened gifts on Christmas, which we called "present day." and all the lights were "holiday lights." And he didn't care where the presents came from, but next year he might, so we really have got to figure out Santa . . . I figure it is fine to do Santa "for pretend" which is as good as real for kids. We'll see how it works out next year. Next year, when the kids are clued in enough to count who is getting more presents and all that fun stuff.

This year, I've decided that I will do some resolutions despite feeling like I really have too much on my plate already. The are on a weekly basis and include:
1. Not feeling guilty about exercising three times*
2. Making bread with Turing
3. One whole family sit down meal

*the guilt comes from knowing that the time I spend at the gym is just more time away from helping around the house/with the kids when I am already not doing my fair share. But it needs to be OK for me to take care of me.

Maybe I need a reward system for how many weeks I complete.

Plans, right

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 18:20:00 +0000

I've been on vacation for weeks. I had this plan of actually writing an entry every single day to get back in the habit. We can see exactly how far that has gotten. And all those other things I thought I might do have also not been done. I guess I'll get started.

I hauled the kids down to my parents' house without Trouble (or any other adult) on the train. It went shockingly well. None of us had a melt down, including me. The kids were in top form in Chicago where we got several compliments on how well we were doing. And good form in DC. They even ate, which they do not do well when they are over stimulated. And Huxley napped at nap time. And Turing slept on the top bunk despite being beyond excited.

Eating on the train was weird as I presume it was What People Eat Normally. Not a single fruit or vegetable. Well, potato chips, I guess. Or juice. It was all white bread and soda. Not really my usual style. But the kids ate their french toast and their Mac and cheese and continued to function. And we went back to our room and pulled out the dried fruit and soy milk.

It was good that I had a week at home to clean my basement before coming on this trip, so I could warm up to being a mom again. The basement was almost done when I left. And the main goals (find the floor, get to the appliances, change furnace filter) were accomplished. It felt good except that it felt bad that I spent my vacation week cleaning my f'n basement instead of anything else. Like, say, sewing.

In any case, I was all warmed up to be All Mom All The Time by the time I left. I lasted an entire week before Needing a little time to myself. Go me. This is good since I'll be back in medical school in 10 days and never see my kids again until June.

A very exciting week

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:58:00 +0000

This is my week off from medical school while staying home. During which time I've done things like get the oil changed in the car and spackled the cracks in the kitchen. It's awesome. The amazing thing about medical school is that once the test is over, the test is over. There aren't random things hanging over my head for me to get done. Unlike graduate school, which is still hanging. I'll get to that next week.

But this week is all about catching up on my life. I've got all kinds of things in process: cleaning the basement, cleaning the fridge, migrating Turing's old blog into his new blog, reviewing some articles, updating Turing's preschool forms, gift shopping. My goal is to not half-ass it and actually get all this done by the end of the week instead of leaving things where they are now. For instance, two shelves in the fridge scrubbed, 2 dirty. And my friend with a truck (gotta have one, but I have two just in case) is coming over to haul away a load of stuff for the thrift store and then a load of stuff for the dump. Awesome. It is like tangible progress one can hold in their hands.

Then, next week, I'll get back to the graduate school business. Promise.

Catch up

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 21:16:00 +0000

Here is my quick review of psychiatry - the hours are good, it is emotionally exhausting. Not for me! I couldn't possibly do something with good hours.

I did child psychiatry which was extra exhausting with its abnormal kids in abnormal situations. But it was probably the one chance I'll get to really watch the whole system at work - and break down in extravagant ways. And then sometimes work by sheer force of will of the people involved.

I am now on a 2 week independent study where I am trying to learn up on diabetes. Wednesday, I hung out with the dietitian and realized I really need to start cooking again. I think Huxley is almost independent enough to do so, but we're not quite there. Turing can definitely amuse himself for the 10 minutes it takes to chop something up. I realized the only time we all actually sit down at the same time to eat is when we go out (which is not very often - less than once a week). Instead, the kids get hungry and I put together things for them as they eat - so they start with some crackers or dried fruit while I put together noodles or eggs or soup or cut up fruit. And then while they are eating that, I put together my own meal - sometimes as complex as a sandwich and frozen vegetables. By the time I'm ready to eat, they're done eating.

I think I feel a new years resolution coming on.

I made for thanksgiving. It has been exactly one year since I baked a pie. I overcompensated and I made 4. Apple, apple and cranberry, lemon, and pumpkin. The fillings were great and the crust was not. It had been so long since I made crust that I made them far too dry to roll out well. Next time, I will do better. Especially if it is not in an entire year.

I need to figure out how to use my evening time better as I've totally developed a bad habit of spending all night surfing the internet. Some internet time is fine - I've got news to read and emails to write and stupid things to read - but the rest has got to stop. I need to do my yoga and cook something and if I actually just stepped away from the screen, I could probably even sew. Or study, but lets be realistic.

I will admit I've done a good job of staying focused at work. I don't screw around, I study when I have time, and I generally don't have to do a lot at home. So tough! And I've used my 3 hours per day per weekend day to get a paper turned around and do a silly little data analysis. This weekend, I'm going to review two papers (I'm such a sucker. I mean, good citizen) and write up a little document on my EEE about how I want to approach diabetes care.

Yoga would be good for me.

Being good

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 21:10:00 +0000

As a medical student, at the bottom of the heap of medical staff, I get a fair amount of time to watch the interaction of the other members of the team and think about team dynamics. And I've now been on enough teams that I've seen some that function really well and some that function really poorly. As such, here are Janel's list of four parts which are important in being an intern:
1. Knowing your medicine - know enough of the basics to get things covered as people walk in the door, know how to look up the more complex things you don't know, know when to ask for help. This is both the knowledge that the intern walks in the door with and how they pick up new information.
2. Knowing your patients. I actually don't mean "good rapore with patients" though that is separately important, it is not important in functioning with the medical team. I mean more knowing the history of [all] the patient's illnesses, both what happened before you meet the m and what happened during your care of them. I think of it as knowing the patient's narrative in detail - symptoms, lab values, procedures, diagnoses . . .
3. Organizing your time. There is a lot to do and there are a lot of intrusions, being able to prioritize and focus is essential.
4. Team player! Deligate, communicate, helpful. Trust people to do things, but then check that they got done right.

From my perspective, the people who are good (not necessarily excellent) at all four parts are excellent interns. You can also leverage excellence in part 1 or 2 if you aren't as strong in some other part to be a good intern. And the people who don't know the basics, can't remember details of care, are scattered, and insult the other members of the team? Terrifying.

First sole author paper

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 05:02:00 +0000

In press!

Damn, medical school would be so much easier without a family or research to do . . .

Reels

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 00:52:00 +0000

I have quite the collection of ID badges at this point - up to 4! I just clip them all together. I had been really against the idea of an ID badge reel, then I forgot my badge and key last week. One doesn't get very far in a Psych ward without an ID and key . . . so I used the you-forgot-your-stuff backup badge. It had a reel on it. It was awesome.

I've also learned other things. Like about my preconceptions. Since kids get referred to us, we hear a bit about their problems before they show up. Then my brain generates what it thinks they will look like. They are invariably better dressed and much easier to interact with than I expect. Despite having just tried to kill themselves or that they know other people's thoughts about wanting to stab them or whatever.

I also know that emotional boundaries come with time, but I'm ready now. This is very differently exhausting.

Asus Eee

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 01:58:00 +0000

I dropped my palm a couple of times. Then it finally broke. I had used it for a few things, but it had not become the indispensable attachment I had presumed it would be in medical school. But I have also not become indispensable as I'm still learning the basics. The palm is much better at looking up specific details. The screen is really tiny for scanning large volumes of information and the search functions are really slow. In any case, it broke and then I had to decide if I was going to get another one. And I realized how stupidly expensive they are for what they are.

I don't think I need a smartphone despite the incentive of getting a cheaper device. I don't need a phone which means it would be more expensive by the time I was done. Though I sometimes get irritated that Trouble has essentially stolen my phone since he got rid of his iphone. Mine! Despite not really needing it.

What I wanted was a DS sized computer. With a real keyboard and wireless, so i could just look things up that I need to be looking up. And most of those good palm programs I use have better web interfaces.

I spoke my dream to Trouble and poof, it happened. I had all this talk about how I was going to wait for Xmas, but after thinking about it for more than a day I wanted it Right Now. So, no Xmas gift for me. Trouble did some dealin' and found it for far cheaper than a new palm with enough oomph to run what I need.

It turns out to be pretty awesome. I got the 9inch screen. The keyboard is 82% sized and is taking me a little while to figure out, but far faster than entering info on the palm. After a few days of use, I'm only making about 2 times as many errors as I usually do by touch typing. It runs XP, it connects to the internet, it starts up pretty darn fast, it does not get hot in my lap, it has a solid state hard drive so might survive me dropping it as I run across the hospital. I wouldn't go so far as to call it pocket-sized . . . but that doesn't matter as my professional cloths do not involve any pockets (it sucks to be a girl with hips, life is soooo hard), but should fit easily into the pocket of my white coat. It is perfect for what I need, except that I was too cheap to buy the sexy slim one.

How long have I known you?

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 01:45:00 +0000

A fourth year student recommended writing up a summary of the rotations we finish as we finish them so that, when we apply for the next thing next year, we have a clue what we were thinking and why. This is all good and something I am good at. But I've now been around Trouble for so long that such an activity is not labeled as "journaling" in my head but as "postmortem" which is a good example of how some terminology does not cross disciplines well.

In other postmortem news, I have yet to see someone die. I've seen plenty of people who are about to die and are sent out to hospice and whatnot, but not in the hospital. There was also a distinct lack of codes to run to since something [handwaving] has been restructured in the last 5 years. 5 years ago, I saw 3 codes in 3 weeks. This year, I saw 0 codes in 8 weeks.

Now I'm on inpatient psych for which the mortality rate should also be low. I'm on child psych. Which is, as expected, a lot of eating disorders (girls) and suicidal ideation (girls and boys) and aggressive behavior (boys). And dysfunctional families. And, as expected, it is interesting but not really my thing.

And what is my thing? Perhaps the ward work. I liked the pace and the place and the thinking. The year is young, though, so no decisions.