Synthesis and Output

A woman!

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 02:48:00 +0000

Today, I became a woman again. My period has returned after nearly two years. I can't say I missed it.

One test!

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 17:35:00 +0000

I took my first multiple choice test in five years last week. It is astounding that this is really how we evaluate future doctors. I mean, it is sort of amusing, except that it is stressful. I think I did OK . . . I've done a stellar job of studying every weekend and most evenings through the rotation. As long as they don't make me take it again, I'll be pleased. I wasn't even all that stressed about the testing part, though I got to watch a couple of other med students totally freak out two days before the test. I don't miss that.

I was going to take the entire day before the test to work. I had clinic until 5 and then I was going to study at the coffee shop until 11. All day I was in a poor mood because I wasn't going to see the kids at all (I left at 7:30). Then I realized it was my own stupid choice and if I was going to be that upset about it, I should just go home for an hour. So I did. Good call.

I also get 1 gold star for only having to eat out 4 times in 8 weeks.

This next rotation may not go so well. It is internal medicine in the hospital and there will be very early mornings and some long nights. It isn't even all that bad (relative to residency) with only 5 nights of short call (there until 11PM) this month. But those are days without babies. I am really not asking too much of the system that I should be able to see my kids every day.

The highlights of my primary care rotation include realizing that the meeting rooms in one building were the old dormitory rooms for the nuns. A sink in every one. More spacious than I would have presumed. The building is a funny mix of beautiful custom woodwork and tile that reminds me of elementary school. Also that the nursing home I went to had Wii bowling. And having enough exposure to pharm reps that they officially became scary. Some are very pushy and really want to talk about why the doctor isn't prescribing their drug more. Some just top by to stock the cabinet and remind you that they did so and then chat about sports. Those ones scare me more because it really reinforces how subliminal all of it is . . . they wouldn't be paid otherwise. And it also scared me to see the doctors prescibing based on what was in the cabinets - if one drug was out, they moved to the next one over. Not really the way I hope to do it . . .

I was hoping that the primary care rotation would expose me to a lot of things and I'd get my medical chops back before hitting the more intensly medical rotations (as a medical student, I can get pretty far in primary care with just being comfortable talking to and examining people). And I did see a lot of things. The problem was that I wasn't at all focused in what I needed to learn. I'd come home with a list of 15 things I wanted to look up and then only have time to do 2 of them. This got better as the rotation went on - I relearned the structure of the information and can now plug the information back in. Starting tomorrow.

7 weeks, 1 virus

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 03:31:00 +0000

And I don't even know where it came from since Turing and I came down with it on the same day . . . the zoo? Certainly not the clinic. I wasn't entirely sure if I should go to clinic or not. On the one hand, it would be totally lame to pass it on to some already sick people. On the other, I have three half days I can take off this rotation and I already had to take off 2 because one of the doctors had some out of town commitments. I wasn't feverish or coughing, so I went. And washed my hands a lot. poor cuticles.

When using that alcohol gel all day, it is important to remember to wash your hands with soap and water before leaving the office. I do a really good job of not sticking my fingers in my eyes or mouth when I'm in the clinic. But I apparently rub my eyes when I drive and that residual gel really dries them out and I'd have to pull over to the side of the road. It only took me 6 times to figure it out.

In a week, I have my first multiple choice test in 5 years. I'm having a hard time taking it seriously. Multiple choice?! Wouldn't it be awesome if patients came with multiple choice? Like a real-life choose your own adventure.

I meet with some other MD/PhD types to study up for this rotation. We are all fairly unphased by the entire experience. It's "yup, I'm behind and I've forgotten a lot, I'm studying, I'll catch up." But not stressful. Confidence! One of them rooms with a bunch of regular MD student types and says they simultaneously manage to watch 3 hours of TV a day, complain about how stressed they are, and how they're too busy to, say, get a boy/girlfriend.

I'm just too busy to lose weight. Or, I lose 7 pounds over a couple weeks, then promptly gain in back in a week. When I stop nursing, I won't have an excuse anymore. I've started running farther. Blah.

In other news, the boys seem to both be more adjusted to me being gone so much and seem to be getting along for a moment. Turing can climb onto the porch and has his train tracks set up there where Huxley can't get them. And they're generally doing a good job of otherwise not annoying each other. Huxley is climbing, climbing, climbing. And climbing. I got an official "mama" this morning. Sweet. Turing's language and imagination continue to grow in leaps and bounds and in ways that I can't describe. He's also more into drawing again. But not the potty.

Babies, babies

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:27:00 +0000

I have Fridays off at the moment and have been using them to spend time with the babies and read my email. Which is out of control (the email, not the babies). I feel like I just figured out how to organize my graduate school info and it is very unclear how to organize medical school information in any good way. Hrmph.

Today, I took the babies to Trader Joe's and then the zoo. Turing and Huxley ate an entire pint of blueberries in one sitting when we got there. Turing then ate a banana and 5 packets of dried fruit strips when we got home. And one bite of egg. And some ice cream. That's going to be quite the poop tomorrow.

The babies have had some trouble adjusting to all the changes - the new nanny is great and I'm around more than I'll be in another 4 weeks, but it is hard. Trouble has been home for the last three weeks and that seems to help. For the first two weeks, Huxley wanted to nurse the minute I walked in the door, but that seems to have calmed down. Turing is still throwing tantrums in the evenings after he goes to preschool. He apparently does really well at school, but he obviously hasn't adjusted entirely to the idea.

And we've officially decided it is time to potty train. Turing is not the kind of guy who is going to do it on his own - he is so cautious he stopped sliding down slides for a few months despite having gone down slides for about a year. So we're applying gentle pressure. I hope.

And the babies seem to get along pretty well. The main problem is that the most interesting toy is always the one the other one has. And Turing will get frustrated and try to get Huxley away by smashing his fingers or using his body to squeeze between Huxley and the thing he's using to stand up. But this is shockingly rare, all things considered. It's mostly a sign that I need to stop holding Huxley's hands so he can practice walking and tickle Turing for a little bit.

And my baby stamina is much higher than it used to be. It is probably a combination of older kids, calmer hormones, good weather, and practice. Wouldn't it be nice if the hardest part really is over?

Things to do

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:26:00 +0000

Medical school has not been too bad, yet. Really. Despite the silence. The weekdays are All Craziness All The Time, but the weekends have some more wiggle room to them. It's just that three weekends ago I went to a wedding and then two weekends ago we went to the waterparks at the Dells on a whim (and short notice of some free tickets through a friend).

The wedding was lovely. It was the first time I had been away from Huxley for any real stretch. I slept through an entire night then promptly offset those gains by drinking too much at the wedding reception the next night. I read two junky novels on the airplanes. It was like living someone else's life.

The waterparks were fun as well. I just went with the little guys, so no pictures. I was a little worried it would be near impossible to handle two little kids in the water without one of them drowning, but we actually had a pretty good time. They splashed around in the shallow end for hours and then slept pretty good at night. Turing isn't terrified of water anymore (still doesn't like his head wet) and Huxley wouldn't even consider being afraid of something. They were both the cleanest they've been in months after soaking in the water for the afternoon. Don't worry, we ground some dirt onto their knees first thing the next day.

I've been doing a pretty good job of being presentable. I've almost figure out how to pin my hair up so my bun isn't a giant mess of loose ends. I also think the extra two inches of hair have helped a lot. I've rotated my shoes every day and they are all very comfortable, but I am just not used to having to stand all day. Standing is actually fine, but I'm not used to standing still in one place. There just aren't enough seats in those exam rooms for all of us. And figiting to keep my feet active doesn't seem appropriate either. My back hurt a lot the first week, but is now better. But my hands are going numb . . . I don't know if it is just the adjustments in my posture or that I'm wearing my stethoscope around my neck.

I've also done a stellar job of packing my lunch - only missed one day in 4 weeks. I don't expect to keep this up on the other rotations, but I'm pretty proud of myself for this one. Of course, as I read up on various things, I also realized that I'm technically overweight and 10 months post-partum is a bit long to still be blaming it on baby-weight. It isn't clear to me where I'm going to cram more exercise in my schedule. Packing lunch might help, though, as I am not standing in my house and snacking all day.

I've had all sorts of fun experiences so far. Pharm reps are all cute and perky and their sheer numbers are overwhelming. Driving to work is very weird - I can't believe I really used to commute an hour each way - but the NPR time is rather nice. It is kind of fun to be the medical student and spend some time with the staff . . .note to self: you want to be like the doctor all the nurses ask questions to and not the ones they all avoid and make snide comments about behind their backs.

It is nice to be older while doing this and not the nervous New Medical Student Who Is Looking For The One Right Answer. I get that these are all just people, someone has my back, every doctor has their own style and adaptability isn't that hard, and it is OK to be learning. I am entirely unintimidated by taking histories and practicing (non-invasive) physical exams on my own which seems to phase a lot of other students. Now I just need to be more aggressive about taking the stab as assessments and plans though I am amazingly clueless. I remember no medications. My practial ability to generate differential diagnoses is comically bad.

Practice, practice.

Plucked chicken

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 03:05:00 +0000

Medical school starts tomorrow. I got my legs waxed. I guess it is all official.

The waxing was the first thing I've done to my leg hair in 14-ish years. It wasn't nearly so bad as I thought it would be and not having hair isn't as weird as I thought it would be. So it goes. And the bumps are nearly gone after 24 hours.

Tomorrow is sit-in-a-room-and-be-talked-at day. The schedule is in 15 minute increments. Yeah, right. I packed my bag with paper, pens, and some embroidery. For all my lunch planning (lentils, pita, cucumbers, feta, and tomatoes), they are providing lunch tomorrow. I bet I'm going to be irritated when it isn't very good.

Bento bags

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 18:20:00 +0000

I really wanted to get a bento box to motivate me to pack my lunch (usually) for the next couple of years. Bento boxes are so cute with their little compartments and stackable layers. But they are also all made of plastic and after mostly throwing out all my plastic stuff I wasn't about to buy more to pack my lunch in and then heat it in the microwave. Then I realized that while the bento boxes were cute, I really just wanted the matching bags which fit them perfectly and keep everything upright. So, I bought some stacking pyrex containers (heavy, but that's OK) and made some bags. They make me very happy:

It is all in code

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 22:50:00 +0000

I've started reading some of my medical books for a half hour in the evening, just to prime my brain a little bit. I have liked to say that while I've forgotten all the details from the first two years, a lot of the structure of the information is still in my head. While that is technically true, it turns out I've also forgotten a lot of the abreviations. And everything is written in code.

Huxley has been going through some stranger and separation anxiety recently. It is kind of sweet as he had been a very independent and self-contained baby up until now. But is also sucks as I realize it will suck to be away so much. I guess I should be happy that it happening now and not right after I start back at school, so the natural progression of babies wasn't misread as a reaction to me being gone. Blah. This week, I'm not very interested in the amount of time medical school is going to require, despite my new stethoscope (after much angst about tubing color, I went with black as I hear only nurses and pediatricians get to have colored tubing. I should have known.). I'm harboring the illusion that it won't be That bad because 1. medical students like to complain and brag about how much work they do, 2. medical students have been socialized to generate so much stress that they're inefficient, 3. I've got a good reason to be focused and get out (though The System is not set up for me to do so).

I know this isn't true to the extent that it will keep my work hour sane, but I need to think it this week. I even realize that the "easy" rotations are not really going to allow me much more time with the kids - being gone 7 to 6 every day means seeing the kids 2 hours a day. woo. I may even get to see them that much during the "bad" rotations, as they tend to start much earlier in the day rather than going later. Grumble.

Totally awesome!

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 22:04:00 +0000

In that, nature can kick your ass and fast kind of way. Not awesome in the good way.

Last night, we had our very first basement flood. At this point, it looks like nothing of actual value was damaged except, perhaps, the luggage. And we didn't get electrocuted.

E is bad for me

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 21:18:00 +0000

E is my hippy friend. She is not a dirty hippy, but she still influences me in hippy ways. Hanging around her makes me want to freeze my own food and shop at thrift stores. And garden. I had talked myself into not gardening very much this year because I'm going to be really busy. Mostly, I was going to try to keep the weeds down and actually try to keep the lawn looking respectible so the neighbor's house would have a higher chance of being sold this year. Now that I've been hanging around E, I've somehow planted some herbs and have almost talked myself into just sticking in some onions. Hrm. The thrift shopping has been real smart, though, for crib sheets and cardigans and jeans. Not so good for professional shirts and pants.

Here is a picture of my crocuses from six weeks ago:

When we put in the raised bed, I thought I had managed to move all of them to the other flower bed. Not so much. Not that I care, but just proof that Nature cannot be defeated so easily. I don't need onions this year, I really need to fight the strangleweed in my back yard. But I bet I'll get the onions anyway. I am such a sucker.

But this year might be the year it looks like the raised bed is actually filled in. I had planted a lot of prairie plants from seed two years ago and filled in some of the gaps last year. But it was still sparse at best. This year, they're already bumping up against each other, so it should look packed by the end of the season. But last summer I just planted about 5 sunflowers per area and now they've spread to be about 50. It looks great, but in another year or two there may only be sunflowers. Oops.

Hey look, I made a bag

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:45:00 +0000

It didn't need internal pockets. But I like my jellyfish.

One year, one knitting project

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Tue, 27 May 2008 14:34:00 +0000

This scarf is about 5 million miles long. It took me forever because it had the awesome characteristics of being both boring to knit and incredibly slow (ribbed). It is two full balls of yarn alternated because I've finally learned that if I end a project and just have partial balls of yarn around, they just sit in my box and never get used. I use too many types of yarn in too many weights to combine them all in a project. So it is best just to use it all. The scarf is nice and soft and matches these. Go me.

The crazy

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Tue, 13 May 2008 20:10:00 +0000

I've been making derisive comments about returning to interact medical students because they're crazy. Most are young and inexperienced. Nearly all are competitive. Some get so competitive they get called "gunners," as in, "they'd gun you down if you get ahead of them." Nearly all get sucked into focusing far too much on medical school and grades to the exclusion of everything else. Some of it is predilection and some of it is the socialization that happens when you get locked in a classroom with a bunch of stressed, competitive people for two years.

I think I've been putting too much emphasis on the predilection, though. For the past few months I've been dealing with getting all my bureaucratic ducks in a row to go back to medical school. It should not be this hard.

Admittedly, I am a slightly unique case as an MD/PhD student, but there are 8 of us returning this year and it happens every year. I am also a post-doctoral student at the moment, so there are some other layers of complication, but really not much.

I emailed the appropriate people in November. They said to wait until February. Fine. Then a list of Things To Do came in February, and I've been diligently working my way through them. There have been about 10 things on the list. Of these, 3 have caused substantial hassle or been entirely wrong.

For instance, it says I need to get a hospital ID card. Then we got a email saying they need the number off our ID card to get scrub orders in the system. So I went to the guy to get my picture taken to take to the lady to get the ID form. Which then required a form that I took to the med office to get signed where I was told that they wouldn't sign it and I'd get my card in June. Which means it didn't need to be on my list at all *and* that I can't do the scrubs business. And I wasted a morning running around. And I had to email about 8 people to get everything ironed out. I was totally acting like a crazy medical student. Danger!

Evaluations

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Thu, 01 May 2008 21:55:00 +0000

I keep waiting for the student evaluations to hand out in class, but it appears the university has finally grown up and probably now has online evaluations. This is the same university that didn't have web access to email in 2003. They move a little slow.

There is one week of class left and only two more lectures for me to give. I thought I was going to have a guest lecturer this morning, and then he was a no-show. So I winged it. And I actually did OK. It's like I know something and am pretty comfortable teaching. Go me - gold star! I can tell I've gotten more comfortable as the semester has gone on as I actually stand up to lecture, now, as opposed to sitting and hiding behind my laptop.

Teaching has been good and not very weird - I know I have some specialized knowledge. What is weird is evaluating other people. These are grown up graduate students who are generally highly motivated . . . whatever, I will do it.

We are also finding a new, full time nanny. Sigh. It turns out the internet is still pretty awesome - we posted an ad online and have gotten 5 very reasonable sounding responses (they can write a complete sentence, have some experience) that we will be interviewing. More things to evaluate. And at least 4 people we are going to have to reject. Weird.

Hrm, this isn't a prize

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 02:23:00 +0000

I have finished drafting all my lectures. And there are still 3 weeks of class left. It's like I can get things done when there is a deadline.

Except, perhaps, my papers. Which I still haven't gotten out the door. I got a giant pile of edits from a coauthor which are all perfectly good ideas. And I'd rather do it right than do it fast. But. I'd also like to get it done someday. I realized that my dad will be visiting, then my nanny is going out of town, then we're traveling, then I'm going to do some clinic warm-up time, then we're traveling, and then medical school starts. And for as much as I pretend I'm busy, now, I'm not busy at all compared to how it will be. And yet I still don't want to really work on the papers.

So, rather than feeling a lot of relief at how much I've accomplished this semester, I'm feeling stressed because I have time to realize how much else I want to get done.

It's also strange to be to the part of the classes where I start grading papers. It's one thing to be giving lectures since I know I have knowledge that other people don't. It is entirely something different to have to evaluate other people. Weird.

Despite all that, we took the weekend to be what I imagine other people are like - neither of us worked all weekend but we spent a lot of time doing house stuff. Trouble tackled the garage and roof, I tackled the yard. We went on walks (together!) with the kids. I went to farmers' market with the kids. I finished Turing's xmas stocking (that I started in October). Trouble went to a movie. It was nice to just be a family in a house for a bit.

I am the old woman wispering hush

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 23:20:00 +0000

We have tried to move Huxley into Turing's room. Our house is small (840 square feet) and there are two bedrooms. Period. Huxley is going to start pulling himself up, soon, and needs to be able to sleep in the crib, not the side-car on our bed. Fortunately, the crib and the toddler bed do actually fit in the little bedroom. The nice layout puts Huxley by the window so he can pull down the curtain . . . I guess we'll be in the more cramped layout for another year or so. But everything fits.

Huxley has never been much of a cuddler. He likes to be around people, certainly. And adults are good for holding and walking around, but not for snuggling. Recently, he has been half-snuggling while sleeping, though, after he comes to our bed in the middle of the night. Warm bodies are nice!

Huxley will fall asleep with someone in the room - singing is good - and scream if left alone. I wouldn't want to be left to the wolves, either. This complicated bedtime as Turing has been able to fall asleep by himself for a while. Turing also gets very upset whenever Huxley so much as rolls over, thus upsetting Huxley. So, I end up standing in their bedroom for 15 or 20 minutes at bedtime keeping everyone calm enough to fall asleep.

These 15 minutes are long, but not impossibly long. And certainly shorter than trying to sneak out of the room early, have Huxley pull out his nuk, have Turing yell that Huxley pulled out his nuk, have Huxley start screaming, and then have Turing start screaming. And I know they will figure it out eventually . . . Huxley will learn about object permanence and Turing will get used to Huxley sleeping in there. And Huxley will stop waking up in the middle of the night to nurse and sleep with us. And we'll miss our babies.

I know this situation would not be acceptable to many people, now, as little kids are supposed to fall asleep on their own and right fast . . . but whenever those 15 minutes seem really long, I remember in Goodnight Moon (published 1943?) with the toddler bunny saying goodnight to all the objects. If you look at the clocks in the book, it takes that toddler an hour and 15 minutes from getting into bed to falling asleep. Admittedly, the "old woman whispering hush" has her knitting to keep herself sane. Maybe I'll try that.

More grown up

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 21:05:00 +0000

It was my birthday! I got a whole day off from babies and was clueless about what one does with a whole day off. We all went to breakfast, I sat on my couch and sewed for a while, I went to a yoga class at the place (literally) a block away that I've never been to, I played video games, I went on a walk. It was only 4pm, and I didn't know what else to do. I did rescue Trouble from the babies twice in the day as he was about ready to rip his own head off, but not anything like having to be in charge. It was very nice.

Classes continue to go well, though I am really enjoying all guest lecturers a lot. Papers continue to go slow as they are back in co-author limbo. New federal rules about depositing papers into PubMed after publication may factor into where I can send them. I entirely agree with the rules because federally funded projects should be available, but the journals are not going to like it. Sigh. One more thing to think about. I like the idea of open access journals which are free online and totally open, but I really would like to have the impact factor of the more established ones on my CV as I start out. Wah.

Of course, I'm going through some project brainstorming where I just keep making up more complicated projects instead of keeping it simple and completable. I only have myself to blame when I can't get whatever I start done.

The babies continue to be awesome. I'll be back in med school in three months and never see them again and that is rather sad. Meh. But they are also more grown up. Huxley is sleeping without swaddling. He still doesn't like to cuddle and he needs to get really mad before falling asleep. Like getting mad is relaxing. He's all about finger foods, but does not yet have pincer grip. Also, only two teeth.

Turing is talking up a storm and has some conversational habits that just kill me every time. Everything is "probably" - "probably go to the store" "probably drink some milk" "probably watch email." Everything is also "nice and" - "fire truck nice and red" "train nice and big" "banana nice and yellow." And he's started saying thank you, but only with an "oh" in front of it. And he has a little sing song "oh, thank you" every time you hand him a toy. Awesome.

He's also decided the green tanker train car is a pickle truck, just like the Richard Scary books. Which he likes and everytime there is a food-based vehicle he'll add, "that's silly" - "a pickle truck, that's silly." "an apple car, that's silly"

We're moving towards potty training, too. I think everything is around that we need (a potty seat, some stickers, underwear). Mom just needs to decide that we're going to do it. He is at least sitting on the potty seat occasionally. But not like he'll need to if he's going to really figure it out. But it seems like it will happen soon, which is its own sort of progress.

In which I burst forth fully formed

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 22:33:00 +0000

We've been doing a lot of thinking about The Future around here. Not just the part about robot nurses and solar power, but the more mundane family stuff. Do we stay? Do we go? Where? How long? How much will I be paid? What am I doing with my life, anyway?

I'm pretty sure I'll do a residency program, though I'm not sure where or in what. I had always thought I would do a "pure" residency - no research associated with it - which would be (relatively) faster and then I'd get to the part where I get paid (better) faster. I recently went through a spastic episode where I realized if I did that, I'd be looking for a job but not have any grants to my name. And don't (academic) employers want to see some money? Do I have to do a research-residency so I have some time to write grants? Am I going to be a student forever?

After weeks of speculation, I finally actually talked to someone who knows something. And also told me to interview there, which was nice. He said a research residency was ridiculous. It's called a start up package and time to get some money. And that I'd be competitive with 3 first-author publications. If I actually get my act together and get my papers out (any day now, I promise), I should have 6. Go me - I will burst onto the (employment) scene fully formed in a mere 5 years! I will only be 34 years old!

Someday . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 22:48:00 +0000

Someday soon I'm going to have to move out of my office and find somewhere to store an entire bookshelf worth of books. Yikes.

Then, after that, I'll move into an office somewhere else. Someday. And I will want a bookshelf like this:

Spoon sucking good

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:25:00 +0000

Huxley has passed from "food is a fine excuse to sit with everyone at the table, but, whatever" to "OMG MORE APPLESAUCE (and sweet potato)". Go Huxley. We've also set up the crib in Turing's room and they will start sleeping "together" and, well, they're all grown up.

It is going better than I thought. Sure, it took 2 hours to get them both to sleep the first night, but then it was 30 minutes, and now just about 15 . . . Good thing they like each other so far. I'm back on my bending-over-the-crib yoga plan. Not as good as real yoga. But I also get to hear Turing talk to himself as he falls asleep. It isn't all about chocolate milk - he tried out the ABC song today.

It has been above freezing for two whole days in a row so we promptly ran off to the zoo. It turns out everyone had the same idea and the parking lot was half full. Turing is all grown up and has enough stamina to walk/jog/run the entire time. Just last summer I'd have to carry him back to the car.

Huxley continues to be giant and ahead of Turing. I hauled out Turing's cloths from last winter to get through the last bit of the cold. They're a bit big (18 month old size on a 6 month old), but they're not that big; about one foot-length too long in the footie pajamas. It looks like we're actually going to have to buy him some summer cloths . . . the first thing he'll get that is his own. He even had to use Turing's car seats.

Click, click, click

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 22:28:00 +0000

Two weeks ago, I wrote a little program in one of the statistical packages to randomly sample from a posterior distribution and randomly draw groups from a population and spit out some group level statistics and do some other stuff. It only takes 20 minutes to run where Trouble's equivalent program written for me would take a couple of seconds . . . but, whatever, I'm a free woman, now; I can do it myself. And whenever I need it.

I had blocked off an entire week for this task because it would have taken me a week a few years ago. I got it done in an afternoon. It's like I've learned something, at some point.

All grown up

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 15:20:00 +0000

Huxley started solids last week. It was time - he's been acting very interested in food at the table and just seemed ready. The second time around has been easier for me to believe that I can just follow my kid's signals about things. He's ready.

Today, we make carrots. Very exciting.

This time, I had entirely built the baby up to this point - other than 2 ounces of formula, I've provided all the everything to build this:

Which makes me want to go eat some more calcium - look at all those bones!

If the snow would just melt, things would be really awesome. I'm still enjoying teaching a lot and my students are really great. I like talking to adults about things that interest me. I'm actually efficient enough again that I can prep for classes and find a day or two out of each week to work on my papers. I probably work too much (all time between sunday night and thursday morning is either prepping for the next day's class, prepping future classes, or wrangling tired/hungry children. to the extent that Trouble and I barely talk to each other on those days. bad.) . But I like it. And I do have some free time. I finished my advisor's retirement quilt and then promptly forgot to take pictures, for instance.

The boys are also super fun. They're going to be buds, I hope. I'm sure they're going to fight, but Turing is all about helping get Huxley toys to play with and they both laugh when the other one laughs. They're going to gang up on us and we're going to be screwed. Turing is officially into playing pretend which is pretty awesome. It started with pretend objects (ice cream, etc) to put in his play kitchen. Then that things were doing thing "[the] train go[es to] get cookie [for] Turing." And now things can be other things - his sandwich is a train, his blocks are a train. Trains, trains, trains.

Huxley is now all distracted all the time. He will only nurse when laying down in bed because everywhere else is too interesting. This is no good for my pumping because I have terrible letdown on the pump and reasonable letdown when pumping on one side and nursing on the other. No more! His very favorite thing is to stand up with someone holding his hands and make him dance. With Turing. They both just start laughing.

Products

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 15:03:00 +0000

I've been a pretty good consumer lately. By which I mean an economic stimulator - someone send me a medal!

But they've actually been products that make me happy.

For instance, I finally found some cotton tights to wear instead of pantyhose. I even finally found some that are actually mostly cotton (93%) and have not yet given me ingrown toenails or a yeast infection. They do bunch up at my ankle, occasionally, but I can deal with that. Hypothetically, because they're cotton, I can just wash them over and over again. But that requires that I stop banging them into the sharp things under my keyboard drawer on my desk. That is a much more expensive mistake than it would be with nylon tights. Hrm.

I also broke down and bought some of the reusable grocery bags from trader joe's and whole foods. I have other cloth bags at home, but these seemed like they'd be better since they have nice flat bottoms. And they are. They hold a ton of stuff, they're really sturdy, and they are stable. And they cost 99 cents. Best dollar I've spent in a long time. Now I just need to get over the incredibly strong mental block I have about remembering them when I go to the store. Why I can remember my list and not my bag, I do not understand.

I also, finally, bought Turing a play kitchen. And it is awesome! He likes to play with it, I don't mind looking at it, and it is built to last a while. And if Huxley shows any interest in it at all, it will probably be used for the next six years. I was feeling all guilty for spending so much money on it ($400) until I started setting up travel plans for various weddings this summer. If I'm going to spend that much on various weekends, I can feel OK on spending $400 on toys my kids will use for the next six years. Jeez.

3 ring binder

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 17:58:00 +0000

Best use I've had for a 3 ring binder in years: improvised shovel for uncovering car

Prelude to clerkships

noreply@blogger.com (Janel) — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 15:29:00 +0000

The winter storm that happened Wednesday was pretty incredible - I think we got 12 inches in 24 hours - It was kind of a hassle, but pretty, and didn't involve any ice, so, whatever. I drove in to teach my class.

It did involve a lot of wind. This meant it was impossible to keep the sidewalks around campus clear because the snow would just blow back on immediately. This also meant it was nearly impossible to get into my building which is really tall and next to the lake; there is a force field around it which makes it windier and windier the closer you get. At one point, I stopped walking and was pushed backwards on the ice in the parking lot. Awesome.

Class seems to be going well because it wasn't just me who showed up - 9 of 10 of my enrolled students (minus the one from Milwaukee) and 1 auditor all showed up. I've been getting nice comments about how useful the class is and that makes me feel good. Go me.

I then had to trudge over to the hospital for my very first meeting about going back to medical school clerkships. Basically, they sat us all in a room for an hour and told us 1. don't freak out 2. be professional 3. here's how you select things on the internet

My primary response was: for real? you can't just send us a document on how to do this?

Good thing I brought my knitting.

And I know they can't just send out a document because it is that terrible gifted-kid trap where we'd all just skip the directions because we're sure we know how/when/what to do.

And I got to sit in a room with the 140 people who will be my new best friends next year. They are all, like, 12 years old. They all seem so young - they even were throwing paper airplanes. It's amazing. I know I was 12 years old just 5 years ago, too . . .

And I got to watch the faculty, again, try to orient the students to the sort of career they're getting themselves into. It is a career which overrides your personal life. This is natural to me because I grew up in it. But they had to reiterate again and again; this is mandatory. That means you'll be there. Weddings are not an excuse. If you aren't there, you will not graduate. It's your choice, but you won't graduate.

And then I got to pour over my potential schedules for the next year of my life. I have it down to two, which are very different.

I know the schedule doesn't really matter.