Hrm, this isn't a prize

I have finished drafting all my lectures. And there are still 3 weeks of class left. It's like I can get things done when there is a deadline.

Except, perhaps, my papers. Which I still haven't gotten out the door. I got a giant pile of edits from a coauthor which are all perfectly good ideas. And I'd rather do it right than do it fast. But. I'd also like to get it done someday. I realized that my dad will be visiting, then my nanny is going out of town, then we're traveling, then I'm going to do some clinic warm-up time, then we're traveling, and then medical school starts. And for as much as I pretend I'm busy, now, I'm not busy at all compared to how it will be. And yet I still don't want to really work on the papers.

So, rather than feeling a lot of relief at how much I've accomplished this semester, I'm feeling stressed because I have time to realize how much else I want to get done.

It's also strange to be to the part of the classes where I start grading papers. It's one thing to be giving lectures since I know I have knowledge that other people don't. It is entirely something different to have to evaluate other people. Weird.

Despite all that, we took the weekend to be what I imagine other people are like - neither of us worked all weekend but we spent a lot of time doing house stuff. Trouble tackled the garage and roof, I tackled the yard. We went on walks (together!) with the kids. I went to farmers' market with the kids. I finished Turing's xmas stocking (that I started in October). Trouble went to a movie. It was nice to just be a family in a house for a bit.

I am the old woman wispering hush

We have tried to move Huxley into Turing's room. Our house is small (840 square feet) and there are two bedrooms. Period. Huxley is going to start pulling himself up, soon, and needs to be able to sleep in the crib, not the side-car on our bed. Fortunately, the crib and the toddler bed do actually fit in the little bedroom. The nice layout puts Huxley by the window so he can pull down the curtain . . . I guess we'll be in the more cramped layout for another year or so. But everything fits.

Huxley has never been much of a cuddler. He likes to be around people, certainly. And adults are good for holding and walking around, but not for snuggling. Recently, he has been half-snuggling while sleeping, though, after he comes to our bed in the middle of the night. Warm bodies are nice!

Huxley will fall asleep with someone in the room - singing is good - and scream if left alone. I wouldn't want to be left to the wolves, either. This complicated bedtime as Turing has been able to fall asleep by himself for a while. Turing also gets very upset whenever Huxley so much as rolls over, thus upsetting Huxley. So, I end up standing in their bedroom for 15 or 20 minutes at bedtime keeping everyone calm enough to fall asleep.

These 15 minutes are long, but not impossibly long. And certainly shorter than trying to sneak out of the room early, have Huxley pull out his nuk, have Turing yell that Huxley pulled out his nuk, have Huxley start screaming, and then have Turing start screaming. And I know they will figure it out eventually . . . Huxley will learn about object permanence and Turing will get used to Huxley sleeping in there. And Huxley will stop waking up in the middle of the night to nurse and sleep with us. And we'll miss our babies.

I know this situation would not be acceptable to many people, now, as little kids are supposed to fall asleep on their own and right fast . . . but whenever those 15 minutes seem really long, I remember in Goodnight Moon (published 1943?) with the toddler bunny saying goodnight to all the objects. If you look at the clocks in the book, it takes that toddler an hour and 15 minutes from getting into bed to falling asleep. Admittedly, the "old woman whispering hush" has her knitting to keep herself sane. Maybe I'll try that.

More grown up

It was my birthday! I got a whole day off from babies and was clueless about what one does with a whole day off. We all went to breakfast, I sat on my couch and sewed for a while, I went to a yoga class at the place (literally) a block away that I've never been to, I played video games, I went on a walk. It was only 4pm, and I didn't know what else to do. I did rescue Trouble from the babies twice in the day as he was about ready to rip his own head off, but not anything like having to be in charge. It was very nice.

Classes continue to go well, though I am really enjoying all guest lecturers a lot. Papers continue to go slow as they are back in co-author limbo. New federal rules about depositing papers into PubMed after publication may factor into where I can send them. I entirely agree with the rules because federally funded projects should be available, but the journals are not going to like it. Sigh. One more thing to think about. I like the idea of open access journals which are free online and totally open, but I really would like to have the impact factor of the more established ones on my CV as I start out. Wah.

Of course, I'm going through some project brainstorming where I just keep making up more complicated projects instead of keeping it simple and completable. I only have myself to blame when I can't get whatever I start done.

The babies continue to be awesome. I'll be back in med school in three months and never see them again and that is rather sad. Meh. But they are also more grown up. Huxley is sleeping without swaddling. He still doesn't like to cuddle and he needs to get really mad before falling asleep. Like getting mad is relaxing. He's all about finger foods, but does not yet have pincer grip. Also, only two teeth.

Turing is talking up a storm and has some conversational habits that just kill me every time. Everything is "probably" - "probably go to the store" "probably drink some milk" "probably watch email." Everything is also "nice and" - "fire truck nice and red" "train nice and big" "banana nice and yellow." And he's started saying thank you, but only with an "oh" in front of it. And he has a little sing song "oh, thank you" every time you hand him a toy. Awesome.

He's also decided the green tanker train car is a pickle truck, just like the Richard Scary books. Which he likes and everytime there is a food-based vehicle he'll add, "that's silly" - "a pickle truck, that's silly." "an apple car, that's silly"

We're moving towards potty training, too. I think everything is around that we need (a potty seat, some stickers, underwear). Mom just needs to decide that we're going to do it. He is at least sitting on the potty seat occasionally. But not like he'll need to if he's going to really figure it out. But it seems like it will happen soon, which is its own sort of progress.