In which I burst forth fully formed

We've been doing a lot of thinking about The Future around here. Not just the part about robot nurses and solar power, but the more mundane family stuff. Do we stay? Do we go? Where? How long? How much will I be paid? What am I doing with my life, anyway?

I'm pretty sure I'll do a residency program, though I'm not sure where or in what. I had always thought I would do a "pure" residency - no research associated with it - which would be (relatively) faster and then I'd get to the part where I get paid (better) faster. I recently went through a spastic episode where I realized if I did that, I'd be looking for a job but not have any grants to my name. And don't (academic) employers want to see some money? Do I have to do a research-residency so I have some time to write grants? Am I going to be a student forever?

After weeks of speculation, I finally actually talked to someone who knows something. And also told me to interview there, which was nice. He said a research residency was ridiculous. It's called a start up package and time to get some money. And that I'd be competitive with 3 first-author publications. If I actually get my act together and get my papers out (any day now, I promise), I should have 6. Go me - I will burst onto the (employment) scene fully formed in a mere 5 years! I will only be 34 years old!