Space and time

Trouble is demanding more storage space upstairs, which is fair. I do take up a lot of the storage space in the bedroom, though I'd like to point out that I have pre-any pregnancy cloths, between-pregnancies cloths, maternity cloths, and some professional cloths. I am really looking forward to ditching the maternity cloths - I'm going through some sort of purging cycle - but I still have quite a ways to go before I can fit back in my between-pregnancies cloths. [Sigh].

My big goal is to clean out a drawer for him which is mostly holding project materials. They are so hidden, most of the time, that I forget just how much I have laying around. I open it and look at all the things I want to do and think I'm crazy. There is no justification for getting more project materials until some of this is used up. But maybe this is just the opportunity I need to power through them - quilts to finish, xmas stocking kits, embroidery for towels and learning scraps, yarn for hats . . . I'm remembering that I can't really work at home at night, so I've been quilting and knitting and progress is being made.

I had forgotten how much laundry is associated with having a small baby. Sure, cloth diapers (not that big a deal - a very small load every other day at this point, and no diaper rash so far!). I get confused because babies are so small - even if we changed his outfit 3 times a day, there wouldn't be that many of his cloths to wash. What I forget about is that he will spit up milk all over my shirt. Again. Or we'll nurse and milk will leak everywhere; on the pillow, on my pants. Again. And every few days he manages to have a huge poop that gets on the sheets. Again. Having a baby and no in-house access to a washing machine seems insane.

Nursing is going so well that I'm having issues. Really. Since we had to wean Turing off the bottle and onto me, my milk came is slowly and it seemed there wasn't quite enough. Either I'm all warmed up or because we've been nursing full time I am producing tons of milk. And it flows easily. I will let down some milk at the coffee shop while thinking about the kids. I will get a giant milk stain on my shirt by carrying Turing around for 5 minutes. When Huxley is nursing and I let down, he starts coughing, so he pulls his face away and get sprayed in the face with milk - we drip milk everywhere.

However, I can't overcome my prior experience. I can't seem to plan to put in pads in my bra between feedings (it seems obvious that I should during a feeding, but the thought evaporates as soon as I stand up). I even own a whole unopened box of disposable pads I never used with Turing. I finally bought more bras so I can have more clean ones around . . .

Not only is the milk coming better this time around, Huxley is much easier to burp. I had a very elaborate trick for burping Turing (one hand on his butt, on hand supporting his head and chest, independently moving them to wiggle his middle - like working a milkshake mixing machine) which involved a song (all permutations of "milk" "shake" and "baby"). All we have to do with Huxley is get him upright for a moment and he burps. Loudly. Instead of the milkshake baby song, all I get to do is call him "milkface."

Baby bibs

Since I've convinced most of the people I know to knit, I need to do something else for baby showers. Embroidering bibs is easy and fast! It is good to have friends who appreciate a baby bib with a martini glass (and bacon when the dad is Jewish).

Mitts from months and months ago

I probably knit these in May or so for a swap. I had tried using up some yarn from my stash, but I literally had 2 yards of yarn left at this point. I did end up getting some more yarn and adding a thumb to them, but I guess I failed to take pictures when they were completed. I like these mitts a lot. A very lot. The yarn I used was a lovely soft wool/alpaca mix. When I complete the thousands of other projects I have laying around, maybe I'll make myself a pair from the near-full skein of yarn I now have. So much for stash busting.

Doctor Office Mitts

I knit these mitts from a pattern from some magazine I had laying around in the waiting rooms of all the doctors' offices I have been in over the last few months. The colors are a little crazy for me - but my coat is black and they should actually match the crazy scarf I'm making. If I then actually make a matching hat it will be the first time I've been coordinated in years. We'll see.

The pattern was pretty simple - and forgiving - and I like the way they turned out. This used mosaic knitting, though, instead of two strand knitting, so I'm going to bet that I'll need thicker mitts towards the middle of winter. Oh, well.

No news is still news

After two good (really good) nights in a row of sleeping, last night was Long. Really Long. All my sleep got sliced up between Huxley fussing for hours, Turing coming to bed earlier than usual (he's even slept in his bed all night a few times recently, which has been nice. A big boy bed soon!), and Trouble snoring. While I have mostly gotten over the new-mom adrenaline spikes which mean I am fully awake every time one of the children so much as sighs in their sleep, it seemed to be turned back on again last night. [Shrug]. Tonight will probably be better. And if not tonight, then tomorrow night.

I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I'm going to have to start getting out of bed earlier in the day than 10. Getting up at 10 means dealing with nursing, changing, baby-stuff until 11. Getting myself functioning and then feeding myself and Turing until at least noon. Getting the nap routine done and Turing in bed by about 1. Nursing again. By the time Trouble goes out, I go out, I get home, and we deal with dinner, it is time to get Turing ready for bed. No where in there is time for me to take the boys outside for a walk and the weather has been perfect. Perfect!

I forced in some time for a walk before lunch yesterday. The walk itself was fantastic. I've been feeling restless from not getting any exercise. You're not supposed to properly exercise for six weeks post-partum. What I'd really like to do is go swimming (not serious swimming, just slowly for 20 minutes), but I am still bleeding. And bleeding. Eventually, I imagine that I'm going to end up running. I hate that it is true because running is my least favorite exercise, but I can push the boys in their fancy stroller so I am not spending my personal time, and I don't have to go anywhere to do it so I am more likely to actually do it. The good thing about the walk was it showed me a brisk walk is actually exercise at the moment, even if it isn't quite as satisfying as something that gets my heartrate up a little higher and makes me feel like I've been exercising. Just four more weeks until I can start running? Oh boy!

The walk was a bad idea because I hadn't had nearly enough calories. I think I had a snack before bed and a bowl of cereal before the walk. I had probably produced twice that many calories of milk over the night. Hrm. The lack of time to eat (and probably the bleeding) means I've been shedding weight like there is nothing to it - I lost eight pounds my first week home. I haven't checked, yet, for this second week. That seems a bit too fast, but I wasn't even trying. We even have a small army of people bringing us dinners so we don't starve. It is yet another explanation for why I feel tired. Jeez.

Coffee shop traumas

The way the schedule has been working out so far, both Trouble and I get a little time to ourselves each day. Trouble tends to get out just after Turing goes down for a nap (because I am a delicate flower who is a little overwhelmed at the prospect of 2 awake babies at the same time). He gets back around 3 and I get out after the next time Huxley feeds. Today, that didn't happen until 5:30.

My preferred coffee shop closes at 6 on weekdays (and 5 on the weekends!), so I headed off to my second choice coffee shop. I have very mixed feelings about it - the coffee is quite good, but they have very few windows. They also play jazz. I have no problem with jazz except when I'm trying to work. When I am working, I want a steady, boring beat. Techno is best, but none of the coffee shops in town play techno. Indie rock is just fine, too, which is at most of the places I normally frequent. At this coffee shop, there is a mostly-quiet room which works out for me, except two evenings a week when it is used for other purposes, but I can't ever remember which nights it is used. It turns out tonight is one of those nights. Gah. I cannot focus at all.

There is a different coffee shop, literally, 1 block from our house. I don't like it at all - the coffee is bad and something about the feng shui (sp?) is really uncomfortable. But at least they play unobtrusive music. So it is always this crap shoot between walking here and getting stuck where I can't work at all or just being cautious and going to the closer coffee shop.

I guess I have to walk home eventually, anyway. Maybe next time I'll just turn around and walk to the other one.

Maybe I'll take a hint from Trouble and ride the bike to a coffee shop that I know I'll like that is open and I could still get home quickly if needed.

Relax!

I started to do some actual work. My advisor told me to, no, really, take some time off. I'm trying.

I have less than 50 pages left in the Huxley biography. Huxley and I have gotten skilled enough that I can read while he nurses and Turing is sleeping or out with Trouble. I've mostly caught up with the blogs. My rss reader is empty. My email is contained.

Uh, now what? I forgot how to fill time during medical school, relearned for a while in grad school, but promptly forgot again once Turing showed up and I wanted to finish the PhD in four years. I have a couple hours to myself every day - how do people fill time?? Besides TV - we don't have a TV.

I have some sewing to do - I need to finish my advisor's quilt and Huxley's quilt. My advisor's is done except for the binding. Huxley's is in strips. The quilt top could be done in another session, which means there is a really good chance it could be done well before Turing's was done (at six months of age). The colors seem a bit muted for a baby quilt, but we'll see what I think once it is actually together.

I have updated my CV and part of my professional site. I have some professional site email/coding to deal with. It is like extra-curricular work that I have been putting off. I guess it technically is work, but it feels like something I do for fun because it is normally so far down on my to-do list.

But, honestly, I'm not quite sure what else to do. With Turing, I did a lot of reading on butterfly gardens and native species. I have a big stack of books I'd like to read, but I spend most of my time holding a baby *and* playing with a toddler instead of just holding a baby. Maybe I'll actually weed my yard. Maybe I'll just let myself enjoy the fall and go for a walk. Maybe. I guess I could always cook or clean or something. Or write? Write for real? Hrm.

I am sleep deprived (as this transition should point out). No matter when I wake up, my initial thought is "oh, you've got to be kidding me, there is no way I can get out of bed." But I do. Since I am getting (interupted) sleep from 11pm to 10am, it appears that I don't need to have a nap during the day. I take this as an indication that things are going OK. My vision started to freak out last night, so Trouble did a feeding while I slept for more than 90 minutes continuously, and it has fixed itself. That was probably the first time I've had more than 2 hours of continual sleep in over six weeks, since I had to wake up to roll over or pee while pregnant. In any case, I probably shouldn't try doing any real math for fun.

Our family is made up of good eaters. Huxley is doing really well at the nursing, though it can take quite a while per feeding. He also has these two hour fussy spells about twice a day (once during the day and once at night) where he nurses continuously and often poops a lot and we just hang out together for the time because he freaks out if he's put down. I feel a little bad that Trouble hasn't been able to do many of the feedings because he's missing out on Huxley's post-feeding facial expressions - a big smile, then total relaxation, then a little concerned, then a big smile. It seems like it took Turing a lot longer to be this expressive.

In all, things are really good. That my worst compaint is that I'm kind of bored and unfocused is probably a good thing.

Back pain, duh

At first, I was really confused by the post-delivery back pain. I mean, I was pregnant and hauling around a 25 pound toddler, my back should be plenty strong enough post-pregnancy. Then I realized that I have absolutely no abdominal wall support because it is all stretched out. Duh. This is why activity made the back pain go away while pregnant, but worse post-pregnancy.

I was curious, so I weighed myself when I got home from the hospital: 177 lbs. I've never been a dieter or one to watch my weight much, but I would like to drop some of the weight before I need to buy professional cloths in 6 months. We'll see how my body does on its own for a while - the last thing I need is to be restricting calories on top of lactating, bleeding, and interupted sleep.

All my boys

Of course they all have blogs:

Trouble
Turing
Huxley

Alone?

Is it a routine if it has happened four days in a row?

I've basically been in charge of Huxley since he arrived. This is OK, since I'm the one with the milk. And, damn, it is nice to have the nursing just work, but I didn't realized how real the engorgement issue is when the nursing actually goes well. While Trouble would be perfectly willing to do a night feeding, I feel like I can't quite skip a feeding, yet, because I'll explode. Maybe next week?

So, I have Huxley all night. He as a big fit sometime in the night - basically an hour and half or two hours of constant nursing, fussiness, and some pooping. Those are long hours. But after all that, he sleeps a lot better and "just" nurses every three hours for the next two feedings. We sleep until about 10 - Trouble and Turing get up at the regular time (between 6 and 7:30). I get up and spend time with Turing, we have lunch together, and I put him down for his nap. Huxley eats at some point, and I either nap or play on the internet during Turing's nap. I try to do something just with Turing when he gets up (he's been clingy and cranky), then it is time to wrangle dinner, get all the boys fed, Turing bathed, Turing into bed, me fed, maybe a shower. Turing falls asleep by 9ish (again, clingy and needy). Dinner and bedtime demand Trouble and I both be pretty active. I get an hour or two to putz around, then I'm back in bed again.

Repeat.

But babies are made to make liars out of all of us, so this will all change tomorrow.

I was starting to feel squirrely for never having real time away, so Trouble kicked me out of the house this afternoon. I'm at the coffee shop, enjoying my decaf and my hour to blog and email and walk by myself. This is good for me.

Crazy to think that Huxley has been on this side for an entire week already. It is crazy to sit there and compare him to Turing. That in just 2 years the little lump on my lap will be climbing the furniture, kicking balls, practically making sentences, eating with a fork . . . I want to slow it down and I know there is no way to do so. Someday, too soon, I won't have a baby to smell anymore. It is a little sad.

But we're making the best of it as we can - fall is here, and it is really nice to get out walking.

I am a boob

Huxley is here! Huxley is very thrilled that my milk finally came in and I am very thrilled that I can finally do something besides nurse or hold him (if put down, he would wake up and nurse again).

But that Huxley is a championship nurser is really about my worst complaint, which is pretty awesome. I mean, I haven't slept for more than 45 minutes at a stretch in a couple of days, but we'll worry about that in a few days. I've got all those hormones on board to keep me functioning, right?

It appears that Huxley responds well to deadlines, just like mom. We had gone in to the doctor and set up an induction for Saturday morning. I know it needed to be done, but I wasn't very happy about having to be induced. That night (Thursday), I went into labor. There was no confusion on my part that this was the real thing. I had been having contractions on and off forever. Since I am perpetually optimistic, every one would make me a little excited despite knowing it was exactly the same as the ones before. Much like the ducks at the lake which still haven't learned that Turing only throws rocks, and try to taste every one . . . then when the real contractions kicked in around midnight, I kept trying to convince myself to get more sleep. Ha.

This round went soooooooo much better than the last round. Let's review:

My water broke with Turing and I was induced. I had an IV for the antibiotics, the anti-nausea meds, a couple rounds of pain meds, the induction stuff. We ended up needing internal monitors and an epidural, so I was confined to bed. Huxley got us started just fine. I needed two rounds of intramuscular pain meds. That means no IV, no cords sticking in my vagina or my back - I got to move around the entire time and even gave birth on my knees.

Turing: birthing ball and shower. Huxley: bathtub and position changes.

Turing: 36 hours of contractions. Huxley: 12 hours of contractions.

Turing: 2 hours of pushing ending with a forceps assist (bun extracted from oven with tongs). Lots of doctors and nurses down there. Huxley: 20 minutes of pushing (i think). Daddy did the catching and the cord cutting! That means Trouble has caught one more baby than I have. And I'm the one who is going to be the doctor.

Turing: something like 6 shifts of nurses and doctors and residents. It is all a big blur. Huxley: one nurse to get us admitted and settled in the room, then a single set of nurses, one doctor, one resident for the entire thing. The nurses were just thrilled about the process - or they were just being nice about saying so - I think because they actually got to be Involved. They helped me with various natural pain options and made good suggestions, they monitored me while on the morphine, but still moving around, they got to encourage me through the painful ones and keep things running smoothly. The only slightly scary things Huxley was doing disappeared as soon as they gave me some oxygen, for instance. They kept the external monitors working the entire time, too. The alternative of having me totally drugged out and mostly non-responsive does seem rather boring in comparison.

Turing: very quiet when born. whisked off to the NICU after briefly seeing us. Spend weeks slowly transitioning from bottle to breast. It worked, but was work and frustrating. Somehow becoming exceptionally exhausted by travelling from the recovery room to the NICU every 3 hours, even though it seems like that should be more relaxing. As soon as we got home, all we wanted to do was have skin-to-skin time because it felt like we hadn't really seen him, yet. Huxley: screaming at dad first thing. After getting cleaned up, we nursed and he totally knew what he was doing and has just chugged right along since. Came with us to the room and has been hanging out every since. Tiring, for sure, but lots of happy baby hormones must be smoothing things over.

Turing: lots of swelling, bruising, peeing issues, pooping issues, morphine. Bleeding for weeks, unable to drive for the pain meds, impressive uterine cramping. Huxley: some issues, but really not bad at all. You know, for birthing an 8lb 10oz baby. I'm done with the uterine cramping, I'm pooping just fine, I have only had ibprophen since birth, the bleeding is fairly slow.

Turing: we were a bit anxious after the whole NICU thing. And the first baby thing. We hauled that bassinet into whatever room we were using and I couldn't bring myself to shower while Trouble was napping. Huxley: he's napping. We'll hear him if he wakes up.

Turing: walk to coffee shop on day 5. Huxley: walk to coffee shop on day 4.

Turing: overall results is a healthy baby at home. Huxley: overall result is a healthy baby at home.

Both ways turn out just fine, but I'm glad I'm home more functional to deal with two kids. And glad to be home.

Video test

Holy crap!

Down and out

I am still pregnant. Go me! Better late than early, I think. Today's potential pre-labor sign was being really nauseated. It was not a pre-labor sign. And to think I missed going into labor on Labor Day! Apparently, we are waiting for Trouble's birthday?

My belly continues to sink downward. The size of my uterus has been the same for the past 6 or 7 weeks - baby has grown but the amount of fluid has gone down - but the shape has changed. It used to be a nicely distributed, all the way up to my ribcage curve. Now, it has settled down lower and out farther. This makes it harder to wash dishes in the sink. I never really had problems breathing, I presume from all the swimming, so I don't feel like I gained the ability to breath with these changes.

Overall, this Pregnancy Experience (if you ignore the anxiety provoking fetal issues part) has been much better than the first time around. A lot of things were shockingly the same - sciatica, reflux, thrombosed hemmohroid, drooling while napping, weird fascination with violent deaths during the fourth month. But there were also a lot of things better about this pregnancy. I never really got swollen, unlike last time where swimming felt like a really nice massage getting the fluid out of my feet. I don't know if it was just that I am more active (running around after a toddler) or that I turned on the air conditioner as soon as it hit 80 degrees in the house or that I have much better shoes this time around. I also didn't have any foot pain, unlike last round where I needed Trouble to massage my feet most days. And I didn't need to do a ton of yoga, either, to keep my back from killing me. Even now, while I am achy and sore, it isn't nearly as bad as the first time around.

I am astounded that I did not get carpal tunnel symptom flairs during either pregnancy. This may have just been because I have had the surgery or just amazing luck. Either way, I feel lucky. What would I have done if I couldn't knit while waiting for all those doctor's appointments? Probably chewed my cuticles. A lot.