Punishment for competence

I got beaten by the children in the middle of the week. We're past the up-all-the-time phase, which is accompanied by lots of hormones and adrenaline to keep you going. We're before the rare-wakings phase (which I define as once or twice a night) which was where we were with Turing before Huxley which, while not ideal, provides enough rest to function. Instead, we're in the awkward middle phase where some nights we'll only be woken up twice by Huxley and not by Turing and be feeling AWESOME. Then there will be a night that Turing needs us twice and Huxley feeds three times and decides to practice his pilates at 4 in the morning and it is killer because we were used to the twice-a-night business.

Excuse me, it isn't that we were used to the twice-a-night business, it's that I was used to the twice a night business.

It isn't that Trouble isn't willing to help at night, because he is. It is that it is far more efficient for me to deal with the night things. If Trouble were up (like with Turing) and could get the bottle ready when Huxley starts to rustle around, it might work. But it is more restful for me to simple nurse Huxley when he demands it than lay in bed listening to Trouble heat up a bottle for a crying baby. And Huxley falls asleep in bed instead of needing to be rocking/walked to sleep.

It is a similar problem with Turing. Trouble has a different parenting style than I do* which makes it more efficient for me to deal with Turing at night. My perception of night waking are that he either had a nightmare or woke up and wants to make sure we still exist. I go in and give him a big hug until he falls asleep on my shoulder (less than 10 of my breaths, usually, which is how I count time), then lay him back down and give him a "big hug right here" in his bed, he's usually asleep when I leave his room and I'm back in our bed in less than 3 minutes. Trouble has set up a system where he's out to fix some problem - they change Turing's underpants, go to the kitchen and get a drink of milk, come to bed to give mommy a hug . . . and before you know it Turing is hanging out in our bed, ostensibly to sleep there. After listening to all this for however long, I'm suddenly hauling him back to his bed for the hugs and wondering why I just didn't do it in the first place.

The result of all this is that Trouble has mostly turned his brain off to nighttime noises - Huxley can be screaming at me in the bed and Trouble will be snoring away right next to him. Jerks.

And then, after a few killer nights which turned me into a crabby bitch, the children magically got it together again and slept better and I'm suddenly in a better mood. Trouble made me go to bed earlier, too, when he finally asked what my issue was. I forget it is not obvious to someone who sleeps through it.


* Trouble and I have fairly different parenting styles. While mine is somewhat calmer, it certainly isn't better. But, then, I personally find calmer to be better and I have to keep myself from criticizing (or pretending my criticism is offering advice advice about) his methods. Really, why am I criticizing someone who does his fair share with a different style? We coordinate some rules and regulations, but having exposure to different attitudes is probably good in the long run. And Turing totally gets his opportunity to get his angry two-year-old emotive self worked out.