Favoritism

Turing has been super fun recently. He gets really excited about stuff (finding the trash can at the store when you ask him to throw something away, throwing rocks in the lake) and tenses his whole body while saying "oooooh!" and pointing, eyes wide. He has gone through a language explosion - he has the first syllable of lots of words he uses often (juice, milk, water, rock, ball, swing, bowl, duck) and has started using some two syllable words as well (bubble, car seat, car ride, seat belt, arlo, kitty, baby). He'll also mimic all sorts of words if you ask him to (banana, chicago, pizza, purple, yellow, thank you). He loves to help by throwing things away, putting his cloths away, finding things, reminding me to get my keys before we leave the house. He can be very serious and skeptical - he scowls a lot when he is trying to figure something out - but he also laughs at funny faces and will ask for "mo" tickling.

In the last few weeks, I've become Turing's favorite. There are some benefits, since he can get giddy when I'm around, but in general it has been really hard on me. It is hard because I can't get anything done in the house, like cook, even if Trouble is around. It is hard because he clings and wants me to hold him a lot and I've reached the point where my back is just achy from being this pregnant. It is hard because we went on vacation and he got tons of access to both parents all the time for an entire week.

It is hard because he gets sad when I leave. I can finesse my way out of the house, usually, by saying we'll do something, then I'll leave, so he has time to prepare. But this takes time. And then he waves sadly at me from the window while I get in the car (also, blows kisses!). It is hard because, anytime now, there is going to be another baby competing for my attention and even when I'm with Turing, and he just isn't going to get the attention he's already craving. Even if I leave the baby with someone else to spend time with Turing, I'm going to be bleeding, healing, lactating, sleep deprived . . . tired. It is hard because I'm worried that I'm taking something away from Turing by having another child. And, honestly, it would be easier if he was more attached to Trouble or someone else so that he can be with that person while I am with baby.

Intellectually, I know this is just a phase and he may change his preferences tomorrow. I know we will find ways to be together as a family and he and I will find ways to be alone together. I know that change isn't necessarily bad and he may very well love being a big brother (lots of tasks to help mommy with, for one) and love the attention from his little brother. But these last few weeks are bittersweet - I love our little family just how it is and it is hard to love our family the way it will be when we're not quite sure how things will change.