Drowning in the right thing

I finally signed up for Evidence Updates, just like a person who wants to be a good doctor. It is a service which screens a large body of literature for articles which are both methodologically sound and could influence clinical practice. One can then enter their clinical interests and how many they want to receive (based on the rankings of importance). I have too many interests - I'm getting 4-6 articles a day. Am I really going to read that many? In what universe?

I guess I should stick with the Daily POEM service, which often had topics I cared nothing about and could just delete!

kitschy FTW

I have spent a whole lot of the hours of my life making giftmas stockings for the boys. I finally finished Huxley's. While not appealing to my usual asthetic, I am sentimentally attached to this sort of thing as they are obviously designed by the exact same person who designed the ones my mom made for my brother and I. I'm glad I did them. I'm more glad that they're done. I'm also glad that the boys really seem to like exploring the details of them.

the project of 2009

Hey, look, I went to a conference and made a hat. I also made some fingerless mitts, but I have no pictures. You can imagine them - same cabling around the wrist, straight knit to the base of the fingers. The cabling was probably the most complicated I have ever done and was very satisfying.

I was even so nice as to knit a lining for the hat as it was way too thin to do any good without one. And I overestimated how much yarn it would take, per usual, only using 60% of what I bought. The yarn is pretty great - it comes from a sheep-llama-rabbit chimera - and I should really figure out what to do with the rest of it.

Equivalent to dead?

If a girl can't find time to write on a 59 day break from clinical responsibilities, the internal pressure to write must not be very high. So it goes.

I had a very productive two months - I did all my interviews, complete with traveling with small children. Complete with one trip with Trouble and without small children - our first overnight without children since they appeared! It was excellent. Yea, grandparents!

I got about half of the class I'm teaching this spring put together. Excellent.

I got two manuscripts into review. Another manuscript is half written and awaiting some help from the statistician (not my fault that it didn't get farther!).

I've read up for the Very Expensive test I "get" to take in two weeks. I'm not so worried about failing and I wouldn't have done any studying except having to pay $1500 to take it again would about kill me.

And, most importantly, I spent a lot of time with the boys. I reached that point in parenting where I was able to just sit still and do repetitive tasks to amuse them and actually enjoy it. On the plane flight back from the grandparents', Huxley wanted to shut the shade of the window, have me act appalled, open it, and tickle his tummy. About 50 times in a row. I could do it easily . . . while I'm kind of excited to get back to a routine, I bet my ability to just be present with my kids will evaporate in about one day. Not so good.

Not preferred

Huxley got a bit of a stomach bug yesterday. He was watching "movies" on Netflix (he has given up his nap, but he and Turing have some quiet TV time in the afternoon) and basically passed out. Then he woke up and was cranky. But the nice kind where he just wants to sit on someone and read some books.

And, fortunately, I have become a slightly more acceptable alternative for such activities. Huxley went through a very strong Trouble-preference phase in the last few months. It was the longest that this has happened to Trouble instead of me. It didn't really bother me (actually, I was a little relieved it wasn't me), and I felt a little sorry for Trouble never getting a break - it is impossible to hide away in a room by yourself when you're the preferred parent.

The children continue to sprout new neural circuits at a rapid rate. Huxley is all language and ideas and opinions and still mostly keeping up with his brother on the physical end. Turing is entirely potty independent - we were at the coffee shop about a month ago when he insisted on going into the restroom alone, managed to use the toilet, flush it, wash his hands (with soap), dry them off, and come out all by himself.

Next step, college.

I have no more babies.

Catch up!

I went to a conference earlier in the week where I was very popular with the journal editors and couldn't figure out why . . . and then my adviser told me I had the most highly cited article last year. Ah, that is why! It made me feel a little bit like a rock star which was a nice change from the usual medical school grind. And I just loved being at the conference with all these research people who think like I do and get excited about the same sort of things that I do . . . it was a nice reminder about why I'm doing all this.

Of course, I also get reminded about how priveledged I am to be involved in clnical medicine all the time, too. But I am tired of checking off various requirements boxes and would really like to move more towards the things I am interested in.

I'm also excited to have a few months "off" of work. Well, it isn't so much off work as it is getting to work on a lot of my own projects on my own pace without the stupid checkboxes. In this two month break I have only listed the following things for me to do:

1. interview for residency programs

2. get my last 2 dissertation papers out the door

3. write up a new paper

4. review infectious disease (my worst internal medicine subject)

5. learn R

6. prepare the class I'm teaching this spring.

And all those other little things like see my family and have some fun. But I'm actually not that worried about having fun around all this work; when I get control of my time I am suddenly much more productive. I'm going to do all that *and* be a better mom.

OK, maybe just do some of that and be a better mom. And maybe a slightly better blogger. No promises.

"vacation"

I had 15 days off of work. I had 12 days of full-time childcare when Trouble went to go visit family. Trouble needed to get away, so that was all cool. And I got to bond with my children. A lot.

It turns out that full time childcare is easier than my regular schedule of full time work and then childcare crammed around the edges. I am feeling mentally rested enough to feel like I want to tackle a whole lot of projects in the evenings of this upcoming rotation . . . which is crazy and impossible, really. Once I get started, I will be too tired to do any of these other things. It would be nice if my brain knew that, too.

It also helped that I had lots of adult back-up. I saw all sorts of in-town people I don't see enough of, we went to go visit some friends for the weekends, then two sets of out-of-town friends came through. It was fabulous to see everyone. Fabulous to have excuses to cook real meals for other adults. Fabulous to have adult help and people to talk to all night. Fabulous to get a few hours alone with the kids, too, during all of that; it felt like a treat to have some down time at home alone instead of having at home alone time feel like it is dragging on and on and I am pining to be around other adults.

I spent so much time away from my computer that I barely checked my email. And that was OK. I have spent enough time away from news that I don't have a bad visceral reaction to every news item I see. And that is OK. And I have some new music. And that is awesome. And I went shopping for my interview/work cloths today. And it makes me happy to have cloths I like. I'm turning into a girl?

And I am excited to return to work tomorrow, though I'm a bit concerned I will spend most of my time trying to stay organized instead of trying to learn what I want to learn. I am ready for the next thing, except that the next thing does not involve 15 day vacations, 12 of which are spent with my kids.